i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
