we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dicks are not precious.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
