I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
