Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
