it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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