i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
