I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
