K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
