The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
