Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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