There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
