So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
