i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
