I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
