The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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