The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
