We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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