Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
