I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
