So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
