if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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