god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
