i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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