just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
