I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
