i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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