I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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