i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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