sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
