I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
