Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
