I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
