Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize