Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
