I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
