weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Someone shattered a urinal.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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