that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
