Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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