I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
