i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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