why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize