This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
