no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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