I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
