I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
