peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
