You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
