I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
