I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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