I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
