I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
