I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
this hospital has no fireball
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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