shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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