if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
