People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
