You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
