I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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