i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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