Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
