Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
